Sojourner Of Hope

Taming the Tongue

2011-07-22T12:21:00.001-07:00

“He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from trouble.” Proverbs 21:23

Just last week I found myself in a very vulnerable position in which God began to teach me truth about living a Christ-centered life. It was eight in the morning, I had yet to have my first cup of coffee, I was reclined back in the dentist chair with my head below my feet and two sets of hands were in my mouth when I heard the dentist say, “Donald you’re going to have to learn to control your tongue. With as many times as you’ve been in here this last year I would’ve thought you’d have tamed that tongue by now.”

Wow! What profound words. It was as if the voice coming from behind that bright light and spectacles was God saying, “Donald, you’ve been a Christian for a while now. I would’ve thought you’d have tamed that tongue by now.” These words did not come as I was losing control of my tongue through speaking. I was not lying, boasting, gossiping, or speaking evil. In fact, I was physically being prevented from saying anything at all. Yet in the midst of my tongue being restrained by the dental assistant, the point was made. God was concerned with the actions of my tongue, the words coming from my mouth, just as He was with my actions of my life and the fruit I produced.

The believers’ life is one that is called to be brought into submission to the Spirit of God. In Mark 12:30 we see the two greatest commandments, “Love the Lord you God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.” Yet often it is the tongue that takes us away from doing just that. The tongue can harm our relationship with God and our relationship with others. It can dictate life! Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

In James chapter 3 we find that the man who can control is tongue can “bridle the whole body as well.” James describes the tongue as a bit in a horses’ mouth or the rudder on a ship. Both objects (the horse and ship) have immense power behind them but their direction is dictated by something small … as with the tongue. The same can be said with the human life, even the life of those who follow Jesus Christ. The tongue often dictates our actions, our efforts, and our power. Our words have profound effects on those around us and to those at whom they are directed. Yet because they come from such a small part of our body we often neglect our words.

As the dentist neared the end of his work in my mouth he said, “Now Donald, hold really still and keep that tongue out of the way. Keep it as far back as you can because it can ruin all that we have done so far.” James ascribes the image of the destructive power of the tongue to that of the flame to a forest fire. As the song says, “It only takes a spark to get a fire going”, the same is true with the destructive power of the tongue. As my tongue could have ruined all the dentist had done by knocking something out of place or allowing moisture to get into the wrong spot, so can our tongue destroy all that has been accomplished in and through us. Our reputation, our motives, our love of God and obedience to His words can all be brought into questions and even destroyed by that which our tongue produced. Our credibility with the gospel message can be permanently damaged by such a small part of our body. James says, “From the same mouth comes both blessing and cursing.”

What does that mean for us as believers? After all, James does say that “no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” Does that mean there is no hope? Far from it! If you read further in James you see he makes a distinction between that which comes from man and that which comes from God in heaven. Paul would describe this as our human (flesh) nature on one side and Christ who lives in us on the other. In Galatians 2:20 Paul says, “I have bee crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me, and delivered Himself up for me.”

So, as believers, Christ lives in us and we are dead to our old selves. This is true with the tongue as well. The “fleshly” nature of the tongue no longer controls us but through the power of our risen Lord it can now be put into submission to Him and controlled. Yet, often we do not fully submit our tongue to God. We may lay it at His feet but we often pick it back up. I encourage you to live out your life with every part of you, even your tongue, in constant submission to the One who lives in you.

I didn’t know the extent of the damage my tongue could have caused as I sat in the dentist chair and I still don’t because I choose to obey the dentist and keep my tongue as still as possible. I pray the same for each of us as we seek to live out our lives in submission to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:10 says, “Let him who means to love life and see good days refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.” May we be people who mean to love life and see good days for the glory of God as we tame our tongues and keep them from deceit. Let us keep our tongues out of the way and allow God to work in and through us without the hindrance that is so often spoken of in Scripture.

P.S. As I finished writing I was invited to participate in a “lunch meeting” at Panda Express. Here is the fortune that came out of my cookie, “The Superior Person is Modest In Speech But Exceeds In Action.”

No Joke!

He Must Increase

2011-07-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

As Christians we often have an attitude contrary to the words of John the Baptist in this passage. We take on the mind-set that for Christ to increase we must increase as well. The perception of our participation in the work of God has been inflated to the point where Christians view the advance of God through their own blessing or position. We do not understand how our decrease could be advantageous to the increase of the working of God around us. Yet, that is what this passage calls us to.

It is hard to grasp the understanding and calmness of John the Baptist in this passage. In the preceding verses his disciples come to him with the concerns that people are going to Jesus instead of John for baptism. There is an attitude of concern and maybe even competition on behalf of his disciples. Isn’t John “The voice calling our in the wilderness” (John 1:23), doesn’t he call the people to “repent” (Matt. 3:1-2), and isn’t he the one referred to by the prophet Isaiah (Isa. 40:30)? They had heard him testify about Jesus but they could not see how fewer people coming to John for the baptism of repentance and purification, and more seeking out Jesus could advance the Kingdom of God. What would this mean for them?

John the Baptist makes it clear that all authority, power, position, reputation, and even message is given from heaven. He then sets himself apart from Jesus, elevating Jesus in verses 31-34. For, Jesus comes from heaven and testifies about what He knows, baptizing with the Holy Spirit and fire (Matt. 3:11). John the Baptist, being only a man, can only testify to the things of earth which he knows, baptizing with water for repentance (Matt. 3:11). He makes it clear that he is only a messenger while Jesus is the Son of God. The Father gives “all things” into the hands of Jesus and it is only those “who believe in the Son” who have eternal life. John the Baptist is telling his disciples that their message and baptism pale in comparison to that if Jesus. Thiers is for purification while His is for salvation. It is the working of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in the lives of people that is important and not John or his disciples. He says, “I must decrease so I can point more people in the direction of Jesus and not retain them with my message.” For John the Baptist, it is not about his message or the blessings he receive but about pointing others to the Son of God.

Often as Christians we claim to know that our role is to be pointing others to Jesus and the salvation only He can bring. Yet, there are many times we allow our message, our position, and our desires to be in opposition to people coming to Jesus. I do not say this lightly or with the presumption that this occurs out of malice intent or even with the knowledge of our opposition, though at times it may. We allow our lives for Christ to become a distraction to the gospel message.

As Christians we are a new creation in Christ Jesus, yet we still struggle with our human nature and earthly desires. John the Baptist was aware that while he knew his role was to prepare the way for Jesus and point people towards Him, he did so from an earthly point of view. We also must be aware of this. It is our human nature and earthly desire that does not understand how our decrease could promote His increase.

I am aware that often my thoughts, troubles, and desire can distract me from God. Often it can be good and right things that are distractions. I can get so focused on myself, my calling, and my blessings that I get distracted from God. Sadly this may even hinder others from focusing on God. Oswald Chambers says, “The more you realize yourself the less you will seek God.” Yet, we must seek to live with the attitude we find in John the Baptist, we must seek to decrease so Christ can increase.

Once we put our trust in God and become followers of Christ, a whole new world of opportunities and blessings open up to us. We must fight against the desire to see these opportunities as “rights”. As children of God we are endowed with rights and responsibilities, yet we must use our right to relinquish our rights to God and allow Him to choose for us and direct us. Otherwise it becomes more about us and less about Him. We increase and He decreases.

Often we seek things we feel are our rights as believers or things we believe God desires for us, yet we seek ourselves over God. It may be the single person who desires to be married, the married couple who desires a child, or one called to vocational ministry who seeks a position. Things which are good and desirable, yet our desiring can be a hindrance to Gods working and presence in our lives. Chambers says, “Whenever right is made the guidance in the life, it will blunt the spiritual insight. The great enemy of the life of faith in God is not sin, but the good which is not good enough.”

May you be encouraged in your life of faith and may that life be lived in pursuit of pointing others to Christ above all. May you decrease so that He may increase. As Christ pours out His blessing upon your life, may you never seek the good things of God above God himself. As John the Baptist was in complete surrender to the will and nature of Christ, I pray the same for all of us as we seek to live a life of faith and obedience.

Sole Sustainer

2011-05-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been driven into Scripture, into prayer, and the contemplation of what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ, a disciple of the living God. In times of joy, peace, and prosperity there is an abundance, an overflowing of the tangible goodness of our heavenly Father. However, in times of difficulties, when trials of every kind and nature abound, it is hard to lay hold of the purposes and plans of God. We are often caught between a physical and spiritual reality; the truth we know and that which we experience. Human nature leads us to believe there is a rift between who God is and what we experience. Yet as people of faith we know nothing changes the truth and nature of God.

The goodness of God is not dictated by current events or momentary trials. We know this, yet when the unexpected happens, when our plans are challenged, and life heads in a new direction we often question in our search for understanding. This is not limited to our lives alone but as we seek to live in community and minister alongside others, their trials have a profound effect on us and ours on them. We learn and see the true nature of God as we observe Him working in the lives of those around us and the trials they face. Often their trials send us in search of a greater understanding of the nature and working of God.

I found myself in one of these places the other day as I opened the Scripture. There have been plenty of events in our lives, the lives of family, and the lives of those around us in recent months to drive us closer to God and cause us to ask hard questions. Current events have sent me to Scripture to see if I could understand why such trials happened in the lives of those who desire nothing more than to serve God and minister to His people. I went in search of words of wisdom and ways in which I could be an encouragement and what I found was a reminder of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. James says, "Consider it all joy, my brothren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (Jame 1:2-4) Not necessarily words of encouragement, or words those facing trials desire to hear, yet words of truth nonetheless.

As I continued to search Scripture I was reminded of one of the main threads within our relationship with Christ, if not the metanarrative of the relationship. Christ desires to be our sole sustainer. This can be seen in John 6 as Jesus compares Himself to the manna of the Old Testament, telling those around Him "I am the living bread that came down out of heaven; if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh...For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me and I in him. as the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me, he also will live because of Me. This is the bread which came down out of heaven; not as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live forever." (v.51;55-58) Colossians 1:17 says, "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." and Hebrews 1:3 says He "upholds all things by things by the word of His power".

Sitting within the truth of Jesus our Sustainer and His desire for us to "count all things to be loss" in comparison to Him, my mind was directed to familiar scriptures such as Luke 9:58-62 and Luke 14:26,33. I was struck by the nature of these passages as Christ directed His disciples to place all things below Him. He said, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me...The foxes have holes an the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." (Luke 9:23,58) Here He challenges the notion and security of home. Later in chapter 14 he challenges the idea of relationship that one may put before Him saying, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple". He does not say this to inspire malice towards family but to emphasize one's dependence on Him over all other relationships.

The more I searched Scripture the more I realized God was calling us to give up all hope, comfort, and security in things other than Him. He desires our dependence on Him and nothing else. In Luke 18 he called the rich young ruler to give up all is positions to follow Him. In Matthew 4 He called Peter, Andrew, James, and John away from their occupations, their homes, and their families. Later we see Jesus call Matthew away from wealth and position in chapter 9 and in the first chapter of John we see the calling of Philip and Nathanael. Often in Scripture we see those who desire to follow Christ falter as they first seek to secure other things. Some look to inheritances others to family and friends, but to all Christ says "look to Me first". Our dependence Christ alone does not mean a lack of care for others or an indifference towards certain situation. But it does mean that our hope, comfort, and security rest in Him alone.

As I look at the trials and testing that we face I see a pattern of dependence. Often the areas we are tested in or the areas the enemy brings before us, are the areas in which our hope and security rest. Sometimes it is in the loss of a job, a marriage, the health and suffering of children, or the care and love of parents and family. It can be the leaving of a home, a city, a country, or allowing those we love to leave. But Christ calls us to rest in Him, to be dependent on Him alone, and to seek our hope, security, and happiness in Him and not other things or people. These are things we know as believers, things we hold to be truth, but often in times of trials they are hard to hold fast too. We cling to the burdens of other, taking upon ourselves the hopes of children and parents. God calls us to let go! To lay our burdens at His feet and cling to our hope in Christ.

I recognize that not all trials and suffering are derived from things of a spiritual nature. Some of our suffering and trails come from the choices we make, their affect being felt by us and by others, as well as some suffering being the choices of others felt by us. While not all suffering comes from a spiritual source it all can lead to an experience of spiritual significance. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all thing to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Not that all things are caused by God, or all things are good, but God can take all things in life, even those caused by human actions and turn them to His glory and the good of His people. So lay it all at His feet, trust in God, and allow Him to work everything around you.

1 Peter 1:6-9 says, "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and through you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."

A Hymn

2009-04-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

The Lent season has come and gone, yet every day seems to be a constant reminder that our true strength and guidance come from our Lord. Just a few days ago I heard a hymn at a friend’s ordination service I want to share with you. I had never heard this hymn before but it is powerful and has caused me to think.

Lord, here am I.

Master Thou callest, I gladly obey;

Only direct me, and I’ll find Thy way,

Teach me the mission appointed for me,

What is my labor, and where shall it be.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Willing my Savior, to take up the cross;

Willing to suffer reproaches and loss.

Willing to follow, if Thou will but lead;

Only support me with grace in my need.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Living or dying, I still would be Thine;

Yet I am mortal while Thou art divine.

Pardon, whenever I turn from the right;

Pity, and bring me again to the light.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Lent: Regaining Perspective and Centering Focus

2009-02-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

With the dawning of Lent today I have begun to realize how many things really need to be cut out of my life. There are things I do day in and day out which bring no real benefit to my life, yet I continue to do them. Some things actually detract from the quality of my life and my relationship with others but they seem so hard to cut out. It is this realization that must be the intended purpose of this season, right? How do we live without those things we do not need? The season of Lent brings about so many questions. Who is in control of my habits? Can I really stop doing this or start doing that? Yet, the real reason for this season is to center our focus on the Lord God Almighty. So many things distract us from His presence that this is a time to regain a focus on what is most important, God.

You may think this is going to be a post about the importance of Lent and the shedding of useless habits, but you would be wrong. This is a post to let all of you, my faithful readers (friends and family), that I am going to be taking a 40 day break from blogging, or at least from any blogging of real substance. This is not my Lent commitment nor should it indicate any obsession or compulsion of mine about blogging. If you have been reading my blog at all, you realize I have not been as faithful to this as I would like. This sabbatical from blogging is meant to help me regain a helpful perspective and to center my focus.

What does my focus need to be centered on, you may ask? It needs to be centered on my thesis. This is not to say that God is not my ultimate focus, but at the moment He has put me in this place for a particular reason and my post-graduate education has come down to one final project, a 100 page thesis. At this moment I have 36 days to write this thesis! So, you can see that my focus needs to be on the thesis process and not on blogging or many other enjoyable pastimes. At the begging of the year I said I wanted to blog once a week and that is still my desire but for this Lent season, this thesis season, I need to step back and put all of my attention into research and writing.

As you think about me, please keep me in your prayers. I am going to need all the focus and strength I can find. I hope to be able to stop in now and then to bring you an update as my thesis comes to completion. But at the moment I don’t have the energy to spare to share any deep thoughts apart from those entering my thesis. Thank you for your prayers and I look forward to sharing with you what this 40 days will bring to fruition.

P.S. For all of you who were wondering what my thesis is about, I am critiquing Richard Fosters book Celebration of Discipline through the lens of a Believers’ Church Ecclesiology. Sounds like a blast, doesn’t it?

First Year

2009-01-29T07:46:00.000-08:00

In a conversation the other day, it came out that my wife and I had just celebrated our first year anniversary. Amongst the congratulations and “good-for-yous”, someone said, “Don’t worry it gets better. The first year is always the hardest.” This was not new news to me. I had known the first year was the hardest from the first day we got back from our honeymoon. Now, you may be wondering what happened the first day back from our honeymoon. Let me tell you...absolutely nothing! It was just another perfect day in a string of perfect days of marital bliss. Yet, that was the first day someone decided to tell us how hard the first year of marriage was going to be.

Even now, it amazes me how many times in the last year I have heard the sympathetic words, “Oh…you’ve been married less than a year…don’t worry it gets better.” It’s as if the expectation is that once you get married the world would fall apart and you find yourself miserable. What a sad picture of marriage! I hate to disappoint anyone but, it’s just not true! Our first year of marriage has been amazing and easy. It has been one of the best years of my life, a true blessing from God.

Now, some may say that it’s out of overwhelming determination or sheer spite, but married life has been GREAT to us! When talking about our marriage, my wife always starts out with, “We’re not delusional…we know there are going to be hard times…but it has been an amazing first year!” I believe you get out of a marriage what you put into it. If you expect that you are going to lose all your individual identity and find yourself miserable, then I venture to say that you will. If you expect more out of married life and are willing to give…then I believe you will find it to be a great and amazing adventure as we have. It is not about what you lose but what you gain!

Over the last year I have had to redefine what marriage is in my head because what it has been for us has not matched up with what others have experienced. Some told us about how hard and challenging it is, giving advice on how to avoid one another in “those” moments. Others have shared stories of thirty years full of happiness without any harsh words or raised voices. Yet, neither of these pictures seem to encapsulate our first year of marriage. The only way I have found to describe marriage is by saying its complex. Amazing…wonderful…and complex!

The complexity of marriage is much like growing up. You learn…. grow….share… dream… and change. For us, the first year of marriage has been learning about ourselves and our partner. Learning what life looks like for two instead of one. We have grown beyond just thinking of ourselves and started to think of our partner first. We have learned how to share everything from a tiny bathroom in a three hundred and ninety five square foot apartment to a computer and even a bed. Learning to sleep with someone in the same bed is not as easy as it may sound. This first year of marriage has also taught us how to combine our dreams and seek the Lord’s will for us as a couple and not just as single minded people. We have been able to share our dreams and desires with one another and seek to build those into a life together.

In this process we have had to learn to change. I believe this what most newly married couples come to find as “hard” in their first year of marriage. For us it has been mostly easy as we have welcomed it. As for me…I learned long ago that I am not perfect and it is only through change that I will grow. I have many things in me that need to be built up and strengthened as well as things that need to diminish and be discarded. Married life is part of this process. My wife bring to the table things which I need and I things that she needs. It is through this combing, growing, and changing that we are finding married life to be so amazing. Like I said… it’s complex and will be an ever changing adventure. We are not delusional, we know there will be hard times, but for us this first year of marriage has been amazing. If it only gets easier from here, then all I have to say is…PRAISE GOD…and, BRING IT ON!

A New Year

2009-01-07T20:47:00.000-08:00

2008 is gone and 2009 is here! In many ways the New Year is like the changing of the guard. It is a time for reflection upon the past and contemplation upon the future. The old has gone and the new has come. It is a time for change! It is time for New Years’ Resolutions! But before resolutions can be made and change can happen, reconciliation with the past must occur. One cannot help but go through the baggage of the last year and unpack the events which have shaped life’s current situation.

As I step into the New Year I am flooded with images of the past, images which are full of hope and joy. 2008 was a great year and I pray in 2009 God continues to pour out His blessing upon me and my family. The last year brought with it many life altering events which will forever change my life and the way I interact with the world.

In January of ‘08 I moved out of the dorms and forsook the life of a bachelor as I entered into the new and exciting world of marriage. Married life has far exceeded any of my expectations. It has been one of the best and easiest years of my life. In June, I turned 30 and made the final leap into adulthood, realizing that I have lived at least 1/3 of my life here on this earth (a scary thought…me being an adult). In September I began the final year of my masters program and started teaching at San Quentin Prison, an event which I am still trying to understand and process though.

The holidays also brought with them many first. I went to the “in-laws” for Thanksgiving in Georgia, ate at the GREAT Waffle House for the first time, and explored many of the complexities of the Southern life as I took an extensive tour of Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina (road trip) with my wife and two broth-in-laws. For Christmas, I was able to bring my WIFE home with me to my parent’s house and share with her in her first white Christmas and temperatures which stayed in the low teens. And to bring in the New Year we were able to share time with some of our most beloved friends.

At the beginning of 2009 I can’t help but look back at the year that has just passed and wonder what the next one will be like. How am I going to take the successes and failures from the last year and move on to greater things in the future? How is this year going to be different? These are all questions which I hope to gain from look at the past year.

In the spirit of learning from the past and moving into the future I want to revisit something I talked about back in July: my blogging. I have failed miserably! In July I said that I was going to be blogging twice a week…well, if any of you are keeping count, I have written five posts since then. Like I said, I have failed! My failure is made even worse, as I have just told you that I have had one of the best years of my life. I’m sorry I’ve not written about it. This is my attempt at reconciling with all of you for not keeping my blog updated, and with myself for not doing my best. I guess you can call this a pseudo New Years Resolution. I say this because I am not sure how I feel about New Years’ Resolutions at the moment. That may be the next blog you see, but for now I want to let you know that it is my intention to do much better this year. I want to blog at least once a week.

Listen to the Storm

2008-10-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Late night, loud music, lots of people, and dancing have never been things many people would associate with ME. Rightly so to! I have never been one to last long into the late hours of the night or the wee hours of the morning. Large amounts of people seem to just suck the energy right out of me. And dancing… where do I even start? I am a dumb white boy form the mountains with no rhythm, soul, or moves! I still have a hard time clapping and singing at the same time. There were those times in college where I tried to get with the groove but I have long since given up on trying to be that kind of “cool”. But when Gaelic Storm comes around it’s a whole other story!

Even with my rhythmically challenged appendages, my ten o’clock bed time, and my ability to avoid a crowd, Martha and I went to a Gaelic Storm concert last week at the Fillmore in San Francisco. It was by far the best concert I have ever been to. I’ve seen headliners such as Alabama, Bare Naked Ladies, Alanis Morissette, and even DC Talk, but all of them pale in comparison to this internationally renowned Irish band. If you have no idea about whom I’m taking then you need to check them out. For you movie buffs, they were the Irish band in Titanic! http://gaelicstorm.musiccitynetworks.com/index.htm

Well, with all that said, we had an amazing night out. We stopped off at Harry’s Bar for a great dinner and then off to the show where we stood and danced to songs such as Darcy’s Donkey, Don’t Let the Truth Get in the Way of a Good Story, Kelly’s Wellies, Don’t Go For “The One”, and Kiss Me I’m Irish for hours! If you ever get the chance to see them in concert you wont regret it. If that seems like a long way off… then try one of their cd’s… mine never leaves the car!

The University of San Quentin: Welcome to Class

2008-10-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Henry Miller once wrote, “The prisoner is not the one who has committed a crime, but the one who clings to his crime and lives it over and over.” For it is not the menacing stone walls and towers, nor the iron bars which holds a man prisoner. It is the nature of mans own mind and heart which torments his soul the most.

As many of you have noticed, it has been quite a while since I last posted to my blog. This is not for a lack of subjects, for I have had many idea floating around in my head which I would like to share with you, however, none seemed as pressing as to find the right words to share my experience at San Quentin. I have been there six weeks now and have only recently been able to process through enough to be able to share with you.

The expectation of what life one might find behind the walls of San Quentin scarcely matches the reality of what is found there. As I made my first clearance through the gate and started the three hundred yard walk to the main prison I found myself immensely humbled and partly terrified of what I had committed myself to. My path led me beneath the shadow of the west tower, under watchful eyes, and through the main gate which appeared as a dark hole in the side of the prison wall. There I was searched by an intense guard, let into a holding cage, checked over once again, and then led through into a courtyard which sat in the middle between Death Row and the Protestant Chapel. Vulnerable is the only word I can use to describe what I was feeling as I stood for the first time within the walls of San Quentin. It is not a feeling I will soon forget.

As I entered the Chapel I immediately became aware I was now the minority, the outsider, the one who did not belong or know the rules. Everything in the world of San Quentin was new to me and I was noticeably ignorant as I followed closely behind my guide who was to introduce me to the class. I stood there looking over the class which would soon be mine to teach and found myself feeling as if I were the new kid in school who had just been drug before the class by the teacher, only these were not a bunch of first graders, they were convicted felons. All eyes were upon me and I could feel their prying questions. “Who was this guy?” “Why was he here?” “What makes him qualified to teach us?”

The introduction came to an end and the room was opened up for questions before I was given the floor. One of the men raised his hand and asked, “He’s never been here before has he?” “No this is his first time,” answered my escort. The room erupted in laughter. “Why do you ask?” The mans face lit up with a great big smile, “his eyes are the size of tennis balls, it’s sixty degrees in here and he sweating, and he is standing as stiff as a board. You would think he’s nervous or something.” Again the room burst into laughter but this time there were shouts of encouragement. “Don’t worry man we aren’t goin’ to hurt you.” “Relax, we’re all brothers in God’s house.” I myself had to laugh as I must have been quite the sight.

Wedding Photos

2008-09-01T09:17:00.000-07:00

In every man’s life there seems to be several major events which shape or change the course of that life. In my life, one of those monumental event, maybe the biggest of all, was my wedding in January. For months now I have been promising you that pictures were on the way and I do not want to disappoint. I have been the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dike holding back the flood waters. Well, the pictures are here so I guess its time to let the water flow...

Here are a few engagement photos taken by our amazing photographer!

Heres my AMAZING wife!!!

And ME!!!

The secrets events of getting ready: a look behind the curtain.

The amazing images of our commitment to one another !

The day is here! Wedding bells are ringing and there is not a rain cloud in the sky!

The girls in all their glory!

The boys looking quite dapper.

Let us all come together.

The Family of the Groom .

The Family of the Bride.

We're Married!

The Student Becomes The Teacher

2008-08-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

I need to first give a disclaimer at the beginning of this post and ask for your forgiveness for the academic language used. I have been sitting in sixty hours of PhD/ThM seminar this week and after that much “academic dialogue” one can not write, let alone think, in any other frame of mind. So if this seems a little “heady” you will know why.

Have you ever seen the Honda commercial that says, “I’m Mr. Opportunity and I’m knocking”? It has to be one of my least favorite commercials yet I was struck by a deep truth while watching it today. Opportunity is knocking! I know it’s simple, but it’s deep. Someone once said, “Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell”. The question is: which one do we answer? Which one do we hear?

While “temptation” is a huge issue, I want to focus on the opportunities. There is a thin line between an opportunity and possibility. An opportunity is only a possibility taken advantage of, and according to Shaw, “the possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” You see as Christian we are fast to react but slow to act. We will jump up and shake our fist at the world when faced with the moral decay of society or the political situation if Africa, yet when presented with the possibility to make a difference or join God in ministry we sit right back down. We say, “I need to wait and see if this is really what God wants” and soon the possibility is gone and we have missed our opportunity. If we wait long enough the possibility will pass us by and we will say, “I guess it was not in the will of God.” What a load of crap! Now don’t get me wrong. I strongly believe there is a time to “wait upon the Lord”, however, I also believe God presents Himself in the possibilities and we, as Christians, are very proficient at letting them pass us by. I’ll admit I’m one of the worst. I have a professor who once said, “There are two ways to climb an oak tree. You can either get up and start climbing or you can sit on an acorn.” In my feeble attempt to get off the acorn and start climbing, I want to share with you an opportunity I have.

As many of you know I have been a student for a long time. And in many ways have seen possibilities pass by without any action on my part. Often the question is asked, “Donald, when are you going to be done with school and get on with life? Where are you going to minister?” The implication is that school is not life and that God is on the other side waiting for me to make up my mind and finish so I can begin to minister. In some ways this is true, as many students linger in school because of fear or apathy. However, school is also a calling and can be a place to join God in ministry. Again, it is about climbing the tree or sitting on the acorn.

In the last few weeks I have been presented with the prospect of teaching for the CLD (Contextualized Leadership Development) department at Golden Gate. It is a unique opportunity to combine my extensive experience as a student (almost ten years), my interest in teaching higher education, and my love for missions and ministering to people. I have seen the possibility, seized the opportunity, and I am excited to say I will start teaching Baptist History at San Quentin State Prison next week!

Getting off the acorn was not easy. I have been talking about teaching for years now and when this opportunity came up my first reaction was pass it by because of fear. Then I decided to pray about it. In praying I wanted to hear a booming voice from the sky as a conformation of being in the will of God, yet no voice came. I talked with my wife and we both decided that it was an amazing opportunity which would be in line with where we feel God leading us, yet there was a part of me that wanted to wait until it was too late so I would not have to make the decision. In letting it pass, the decision would ultimately have been made by God and I would be off the hook. I came up with almost every possible excuse for not taking the position. But there was always something inside which pushed me on and told me this was something I needed to do. Was it the still small voice of God, the perceived need for a teacher, the inward desire to teach, or my need to gain a position? I don’t know. I want to believe it was God, and it was his voice, which I had shut out before, but there was no voice from the sky. What I do know is I start teaching next week, and while there is enough anxiety to go around, and I am nervous about my abilities, I am completely at peace with my decision and looking forward to serving God in this way.

Aristotle once said, “Those that know, do. Those that understand teach.” I believe God has prepared me for this and that it is a complex combination of Aristotle’s words. To know and understand in rooted in the same reality, God. In the doing or the teaching, one will find it only when the opportunity is seized and we stand up to act within the will of God. Do I really know? Do I understand? My professors seem to think so and believe it is time for me to teach, but it is only going to be through the power of God that I am able to do this. My goal in regards to teaching is to follow in the words of Soren Kierkegaard, “To be a teacher in the right sense is to be a learner. I am not a teacher, only a fellow student.”

I want to encourage all of you to look at the possibilities, seize the opportunities, and get off the acorn. Those who climb seem to be well rounded, properly stretched out and flexible, as well as growing in their ability and strength. For those who stay on the acorn, they seem to be lacking in these areas and soon find themselves unable to get up for lack of muscle growth. Besides, those who stay too long on the acorn seem to always be walking around with something up their butt! And I don’t want to be on of those people. Amen?

Playing The Back Nine

2008-08-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stepped out on to a dew covered grass and felt a freshness you could taste, a cleanliness you could see, and experienced an early morning exhilaration which coffee can only pale in comparison? Have you ever stood between two blue rocks on the top of a hill covered in neatly trimmed grass, looking out over a vast expanse of steam rising above a carpet of living green? If you haven’t, then I highly recommend playing the back nine holes at your local golf course the next early morning you have free. It is an experience you won’t soon forget and most courses have a reduced rate for early morning tee times. But most of all, it is the views and the inspiration which can change your life!

This summer I dug my bag out of storage, dusted off my driver, and decided to try and find my golf game. I want to conquer the monster “shank” which, in the past, had chased me off the course feeling defeated and leaving me frustrated. I felt that it was time to commit myself to this game and really give it the time and attention it required to make a difference. Golf is funny that way, you can play at it for a long time without making any kind of commitment, you may even hit a few good drives or have a great time with the boys, but you never get good at it. See that’s the problem. You can feel all the peace and excitement I described above in just a few short hours early in the morning and then head off to work, leaving the game behind and forgetting about it until the next time you venture out. But you never get good at it. There always seems to be this elusive feeling that you are missing something, you are falling short of all you could be. While playing the back nine makes you feel good, the feeling also fades quickly. Life takes over and soon the peace you found on the course disappears and the realty of life sets in.

As I stood in the tee box of hole #9 I looked back and was struck by the view I had of the city. There it was, all spread out before me. Life was waiting while I was playing the back nine. It was merely 6:45 in the morning and the city was shrouded in a heavy haze, yet the busyness had already started and I knew I would soon have to finish and head off to work. There was only one thought that comforted me. I had already committed to this game. Playing the back nine was not merely “playing the back nine” for me anymore! I now played the back nine to prepare for eighteen. When I left the course I was not losing the peace but taking it with me and carrying it into everything I did throughout the day and into my preparation for a full game. No longer was golf something I did once a month or once a year but a weekly occurrence of joy and dedication which I pray transforms into a lifestyle

Now many of you may laugh at the thought of a “lifestyle” of golf or think that I have taken my love of this game to an extreme obsession. You would be wrong. I don’t walk around in a golf shirt with knee high socks and have little golfers on everything I own. In fact, if you walked into my home you may never know I golf, yet in talking with me you will sooner or later find out that I play the game. You will not find me to be a fanatic but one who has dedicated to that which he loves. This also plays out in the rest of my life with all that I love.

Looking at the city that morning I was also struck by another reality. Upon looking closer, deeper though the haze, there were two buildings which stuck out to me. Churches! There were two big churches standing above everything else. Then it hit me. Playing golf was like being a Christian! How many people had I played the back nine with who where only “playing” the back nine? They came for their morning fix and then went off about their day, week, or even year. It was the same with church. People seem to come on Sunday morning for a few hours which make them feel at peace, good about themselves, and then go out into the world, forgetting about where they have just been. There is no commitment, no change. Their lives, the game they play, have not been transformed. They have not improved in the least and yet they go about their day telling everyone they play golf/ go to church. You may look around their homes and find crosses on every wall and bibles on the book shelve but as you talk with them you may find yourself questing what you see.

For many, playing the back nine or going to church requires no commitment because they are not serious about the game. They are not seeking life transformation or the skills one needs to grow in the game. They are merely seeking the morning buzz, a good time with the boys, and the recognition they receive from their association with such an entity.

The burden then falls upon us, those who have made the commitment to grow in the game, to guide others to such an outcome. It is the true “players” who seem to be the silent minority yet have the only message of hope and peace worth hearing. It is not through what we flash on the outside which is going to lead people to a commitment but that which we possess on the inside. I do not dream of golfing because of the knee high socks and uptight looking shirts I could wear but because of the personal satisfaction I get from playing the game and playing it well. In fact, those knee high sock make me think twice about playing, however, after getting over the ridiculous image of some, I find the game quite worth the effort. It is the same with church. It is not about what we see from other people which leads us, but the personal relationship with God which we find once we commit. Often it is the image some Christians portray which holds people back from committing and that is a shame.

So here I am sharing with you my love of golf and I can’t help but be lead into thinking about the church and being a Christian. It is not my love and commitment to golf that makes me more committed to being a Christian. Just the opposite! Because of my love and commitment to God and the church I am able to commit to things as trivial as golf and as important as being a good husband. Hardy Greaves says, “God is happiest when His children are at play.” Not when they are just wasting time, but truly committed and playing the game.

But we must remember that as with golf it is also true with the Christian life. We cannot win the game! As Bagger Vance said, “It’s the game that can’t be won, only played. So I play. I play on. I play for the moments yet to come. Looking for my place in the field.” In golf we strive to get better for personal satisfaction. In the Christian life the game has already been won by Jesus Christ. What is left up to us is how we play the game, where we are in the field and by whose strength we play.

Revelations Within A Chicken Sandwich

2008-07-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

This weekend we have headed up to my parents house for my nephews’ second birthday. I am always looking for a reason to head up to the mountains and get away from the city. My wife on the other hand, while she enjoys heading to the lake, is always excited about our ritual stop at Chick-Fil-A. Not being a southerner myself, I don’t have the same affinity, emotional attachment, or obsessive need for this deep friend piece of fowl stuck between two pieces of buttered bread with a slice of pickle. Now don’t get me wrong, I do LOVE what I am eating, but not nearly as much as my wife. (I Love you babe!)

During our quick stop in at the birthplace of the chicken sandwich, I was struck by the variety of the patrons who visited this establishment. As I looked around I saw the church, the church “world”, and church politics. Now, you might marvel at the depth of my observation or the complexity of my eating habits, however, these thoughts have been building in my head for a while. Sometimes I feel as if I am in the beginning stages of insanity. The way my mind works is as much of a curse as it is a blessing.

In looking around Chick-fil-A I was reminded of the complexity of the churches value system and its predisposition for valuing one thing while condemning others. Now I don’t want to be one to jump the “alcohol bandwagon,” but because it is such a hot topic which polarizes the church today it seems to be a great contrast to Chick-fil-A. I am not on one side or the other, I am just making observations here.

When dealing with alcohol, the church is quick to condemn because of many of the affects from its excessive use. Which I completely agree with! However, many of the “sinful” consequences such as abuse, family decay, addiction, obsession, physically detrimental affects upon the body, and loss of personal control can be found in things which are highly valued in the church world. Why is it we condemn this one when we praise the other?

There I was, sitting eating a deep friend chicken sandwich; twelve deep fried chicken nuggets and eighteen ounces of sugar saturated tea, while watching a line of mostly obese over-indulgent people slowly make their way towards the frying vats. Where does the personal control come in? Where does the excess stop? Can anyone say addiction and obsession? Doctors around the world say such food is ALWAYS bad for you, yet a glass of wine in the evening is praised for its health benefits. More people die from the effects of bad eating habits every year than do from the effect of drinking. Yet we sing the praises of this “Christian” business and condemn that of the wine maker.

Now I have nothing against Truett Cathy. From all I hear he is an amazing Christian man who operates his business on Christian principles. They are closed on Sunday for goodness sake! But can he not be seen as a peddler of a substance which can be sinful if used in excess? America is not seen as a “drunken” nation but an “obese” nation. The national pandemic is that of unhealthy eating. So why does the church support this institution?

As a young man of thirty I have known more families destroyed by an absentee father or mother because of chasing careers, than that of alcoholics. We may not pay much attention to it, or at times we may call it a necessity as both parents work to support a predetermined level of expected living, yet the damage it is doing to American family is astounding. We call a man great who is successful, a good businessman who brings more money to the offering plate. Yet the father who works mainly to pay the bills and spend time with his family is not seen as great. The man who climbs his way to the top of the business world is seen as someone to learn from. We pay little attention to him who stepped on other people to get to the top or what his family has suffered for him to achieve such great things.

In the church we preach about the “image” of what we show to others yet we only look at what “we” perceive as bad! A powerful business man who helps build the new church building is good. The restaurant owner who treats his employees fairy, supports their academic pursuits, helps with community development projects and Christian camps, is praised for his great work. Yet the family man who may have a glass of wine with dinner is looked down upon and never considered for appointment as an elder. The business man who has been divorced and has an uncontrollable child is placed as head of the building committee and his financial support is gladly accepted. The restaurant owner finds loop-holes in the tax laws and only hires part time employees to avoid paying benefits is seen as shrewd and asked to teach a Sunday school class on personal finance. The family man who has three kids, one a pastor and two in Christian college, who pays his taxes, volunteers at the soup kitchen on holidays and loves his wife, is sent flyers in the mail about Christian based twelve step programs. What “image” are we showing to the world?

As one who is in seminary, training to be a pastor, I struggle with this apparent disconnect between what we preach and what we do. I am not the smallest man myself and all my life I have struggled with my weight and an unhealthy diet. The image which causes me to stumble is not the preacher who has a glass of wine with dinner or the construction worker who has a beer after work. It is the overweight pastor preaching against such things from the pulpit. It is the man who cannot control his eating and dies early leaving a family without a father. It is the business man who hires a nanny to raise his kids while he works. I am far more tempted to covet the life of the business man who has everything, seeking power and public attention than I am the man who has a beer.

I’m just saying that “we” seem to have our priorities a little off kilter. I deeply desire to live my life in balance, to have Christ at the center, and to see the things He sees with the clarity with which He sees it. I long to see the church praise that which ought to be praised and condemn that which ought to be condemned – according to Scripture, not according to social constructs.

Ok… to end this mad rant, which will probably be seen as an attack upon the very foundation of the American church. I LOVE Chick-fil-A and plan to continue eating there. I support Christian business practices and see nothing wrong with God blessing people with sharp minds and shrewd financial practice. I do not believe money is the root of all evil, only the means for which we use it or obtain it. And again…I LOVE Chick-fil-A!

So I’ll see you all next time I head to the deep fryer…or maybe I should order the grilled chicken sandwich and an unsweetened tea…

Disclaimer: I’m not condemning the wine make or the inventor of the chicken sandwich, I’m not condemning those who eat unhealthy food or the business man who strives to get ahead. My goal here is to provoke thought and to help us reorganize priorities. My observations are based on my life as it is. I’m on a diet because I get winded as I walk up a hill and yet I sit here eating this fabulous fried fowl. Let us put aside all that hinders and press on toward the goal to which I have been called. May we continue to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.

Starting Over!

2008-07-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

My friends, it appears I am as bad at blogging as I am at journaling or even as bad as I am at staying in contact with some of you. I once prided myself on being a hub of information within my network of friends and now I am an outsider, one of those friends who no one can get a hold of or worst yet, one that takes a week to return phone calls. I hate that, and now I am one of the worst offenders! I could blame it on being newly married, working on another degree, and working full time, but that would be a load of crap. I’ve been lazy! I have found other things to do with my time. But all that changes now! I am putting a renewed passion behind my blogging and a deep desire to keep everyone of you updated on my life and all the crazy thoughts going through my head.

So what does that mean? It means that I want to blog at least twice a week and I am asking you to keep me accountable to that. If I haven’t blogged in a while call me on it! I also desire your feedback on what I write. I have lots of crazy theories running around in my head which I would like to flesh out and it would be great if I could do it with you. Please leave comments and tell me what you think. If you have any ideas let me know and I will work on them. Well… I guess that’s about it. Let’s give this blogging thing another try.

I want to live my life outside of the box! I want to live it in such a way that there is no doubt where I stand and who I serve. I want to struggle through and live out my Christian life in my community of friends and in the open.

Oswald Chamber says, “Many of us prefer to stay at the threshold of the Christian life instead of going on to construct a soul in accordance with the new life God has put within. We fail because we are ignorant of the way we are made, we put things down to the devil instead of our own undisciplined nature.”

I want to construct my soul in accordance with the life which God has put in me, being aware of the way He has made me, and living by the direction of His Holy Spirit.

The Giant Artichoke

2008-04-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

I wish the English language had words to explain this picture but I just can’t seem to find them. Maybe it is words to describe me it is lacking. My wife says the word I am looking for is “Country!” She says she never knew she would end up marrying a California man who was so COUNTRY. I’m not sure what she’s trying to tell me. I think what she’s really means is, “I Love You!”

Last month we took an adventure along the coast and I could not help but returning to a place which held such great childhood memories for me. If you’re ever near Castroville California you have to stop by The Giant Artichoke and pick up a dozen or two of their amazing deep fried artichoke hearts! I have been enjoying them for as many years as I can remember. My family use to stop in every time we drove to Salinas. They are some of the best things on the planet! Tender hearts of artichoke battered and fried to a golden brown perfection, dipped in a home made dipping sauce! It can’t get much better than that. If you get the chance to stop by, make sure you share it with someone you love like I did. Even if you cant talk her in to getting her picture take in front of a giant artichoke with you.

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?

2008-04-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

In the world today we are constantly faced with choices which stretch the boundary of our understanding. Things should be black and white, good and bad, but often times we see them as gray. Where have we gone wrong? When did the definition of “truth” and “ethics” become situational and relative? Is that really what the world has come to? Is that what we as believers have come to?

This morning I was listing to the radio on my way to work and a song by Paula Cole, which I have heard hundreds of times, caught me off guard and started me thinking. The chorus goes like this:

Where is my John Wayne
Where is my prairie son
Where is my happy ending
Where have all the cowboys gone?

So where have all the cowboys gone? Where have those who stand for truth and integrity hidden themselves? I have become increasingly aware of a lack “truth” in the world around me. Some may think this apparent as we live in a progressively secular society but I am not talking about America as a whole, I am talking about the Church! I am talking about parents and grandparents who once held the moral rudders for their families. I am talking about pastors and leaders who have lost their voices and the ability to lead. I am talking about you and me.

Where is John Wayne? What has happened to those who stand for what is right and who are vocal about what is wrong? I miss the days when men were men and stood for truth and righteousness. Godly men and women have settled for less than the truth and handed over the power of their words to men of little moral integrity. Personal responsibility has gone out the window as we have handed our money over to accountants, our children to nannies, and the voice of God to a committee.

It is time that we stand up and take back our voice. Where is John Wayne, where have all the cowboys gone? It is you and I! We need to let our yes be yes and our no be no. We must stand for what is right and not allow what is wrong to go unopposed. When we give our word or agree to something we must honor that agreement even if doing so may not be as profitable to us as other options. I challenge you, stand for what is right and oppose what is wrong. Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” Good men and women have stood around for too long and done nothing and it is time for change.

The Journey

2008-03-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

What is this notion of “Journey” which seems to be eagerly sought after? Why does a man give freely all that he has gained in the pursuit of adventure, in pursuit of the Journey? Recently I have found my mind not wondering far from this idea of “journey”. It is the beginning of a new journey and the ending of the old that causes me to pause and think about my life.

In January I was driving across the Golden Gate Bridge early one morning only days before my wedding when I came upon one of the most amazing sunrises I have ever seen. I have never quite overcome the marvel of crossing the Golden Gate in my years here, yet on this day it took on a whole new meaning and newness. The journey of a new day was upon me and in the rising of the sun I saw a new journey rising before me as I was about to be married. In that moment I was overcome with a wonder of what the journey of marriage would look like, realizing I had no idea what to expect. I had seen marriages before but never had I been the one to walk down that path. This would be the dawning of a new adventure.

As I watched the sun rise I was reminded that soon it would set, as it cannot help but do. Every journey has a beginning and an ending, as the sun has a rising and a setting. Soon I would put on the wedding ring and my life as a single man would end and my life lived with Martha would begin. I had never been more suited for the task and I looked forward to the challenges of this new journey.

Now we have just celebrated two month of marriage and the journey is still new. The sun has only begun to rise and I find that every moment on this path reminds me of its newness and my lack of experience. So as this journey begins I believe it is only fitting that this blog is set in motion, giving me a place to launch my ideas upon the world.