A Hymn

The Lent season has come and gone, yet every day seems to be a constant reminder that our true strength and guidance come from our Lord. Just a few days ago I heard a hymn at a friend’s ordination service I want to share with you. I had never heard this hymn before but it is powerful and has caused me to think.

Lord, here am I.

Master Thou callest, I gladly obey;

Only direct me, and I’ll find Thy way,

Teach me the mission appointed for me,

What is my labor, and where shall it be.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Willing my Savior, to take up the cross;

Willing to suffer reproaches and loss.

Willing to follow, if Thou will but lead;

Only support me with grace in my need.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Living or dying, I still would be Thine;

Yet I am mortal while Thou art divine.

Pardon, whenever I turn from the right;

Pity, and bring me again to the light.

Master, Thou callest, and this I reply,

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

“Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.”

Lent: Regaining Perspective and Centering Focus

With the dawning of Lent today I have begun to realize how many things really need to be cut out of my life. There are things I do day in and day out which bring no real benefit to my life, yet I continue to do them. Some things actually detract from the quality of my life and my relationship with others but they seem so hard to cut out. It is this realization that must be the intended purpose of this season, right? How do we live without those things we do not need? The season of Lent brings about so many questions. Who is in control of my habits? Can I really stop doing this or start doing that? Yet, the real reason for this season is to center our focus on the Lord God Almighty. So many things distract us from His presence that this is a time to regain a focus on what is most important, God.

You may think this is going to be a post about the importance of Lent and the shedding of useless habits, but you would be wrong. This is a post to let all of you, my faithful readers (friends and family), that I am going to be taking a 40 day break from blogging, or at least from any blogging of real substance. This is not my Lent commitment nor should it indicate any obsession or compulsion of mine about blogging. If you have been reading my blog at all, you realize I have not been as faithful to this as I would like. This sabbatical from blogging is meant to help me regain a helpful perspective and to center my focus.

What does my focus need to be centered on, you may ask? It needs to be centered on my thesis. This is not to say that God is not my ultimate focus, but at the moment He has put me in this place for a particular reason and my post-graduate education has come down to one final project, a 100 page thesis. At this moment I have 36 days to write this thesis! So, you can see that my focus needs to be on the thesis process and not on blogging or many other enjoyable pastimes. At the begging of the year I said I wanted to blog once a week and that is still my desire but for this Lent season, this thesis season, I need to step back and put all of my attention into research and writing.

As you think about me, please keep me in your prayers. I am going to need all the focus and strength I can find. I hope to be able to stop in now and then to bring you an update as my thesis comes to completion. But at the moment I don’t have the energy to spare to share any deep thoughts apart from those entering my thesis. Thank you for your prayers and I look forward to sharing with you what this 40 days will bring to fruition.

P.S. For all of you who were wondering what my thesis is about, I am critiquing Richard Fosters book Celebration of Discipline through the lens of a Believers’ Church Ecclesiology. Sounds like a blast, doesn’t it?

First Year

In a conversation the other day, it came out that my wife and I had just celebrated our first year anniversary. Amongst the congratulations and “good-for-yous”, someone said, “Don’t worry it gets better. The first year is always the hardest.” This was not new news to me. I had known the first year was the hardest from the first day we got back from our honeymoon. Now, you may be wondering what happened the first day back from our honeymoon. Let me tell you...absolutely nothing! It was just another perfect day in a string of perfect days of marital bliss. Yet, that was the first day someone decided to tell us how hard the first year of marriage was going to be.

Even now, it amazes me how many times in the last year I have heard the sympathetic words, “Oh…you’ve been married less than a year…don’t worry it gets better.” It’s as if the expectation is that once you get married the world would fall apart and you find yourself miserable. What a sad picture of marriage! I hate to disappoint anyone but, it’s just not true! Our first year of marriage has been amazing and easy. It has been one of the best years of my life, a true blessing from God.

Now, some may say that it’s out of overwhelming determination or sheer spite, but married life has been GREAT to us! When talking about our marriage, my wife always starts out with, “We’re not delusional…we know there are going to be hard times…but it has been an amazing first year!” I believe you get out of a marriage what you put into it. If you expect that you are going to lose all your individual identity and find yourself miserable, then I venture to say that you will. If you expect more out of married life and are willing to give…then I believe you will find it to be a great and amazing adventure as we have. It is not about what you lose but what you gain!

Over the last year I have had to redefine what marriage is in my head because what it has been for us has not matched up with what others have experienced. Some told us about how hard and challenging it is, giving advice on how to avoid one another in “those” moments. Others have shared stories of thirty years full of happiness without any harsh words or raised voices. Yet, neither of these pictures seem to encapsulate our first year of marriage. The only way I have found to describe marriage is by saying its complex. Amazing…wonderful…and complex!

The complexity of marriage is much like growing up. You learn…. grow….share… dream… and change. For us, the first year of marriage has been learning about ourselves and our partner. Learning what life looks like for two instead of one. We have grown beyond just thinking of ourselves and started to think of our partner first. We have learned how to share everything from a tiny bathroom in a three hundred and ninety five square foot apartment to a computer and even a bed. Learning to sleep with someone in the same bed is not as easy as it may sound. This first year of marriage has also taught us how to combine our dreams and seek the Lord’s will for us as a couple and not just as single minded people. We have been able to share our dreams and desires with one another and seek to build those into a life together.

In this process we have had to learn to change. I believe this what most newly married couples come to find as “hard” in their first year of marriage. For us it has been mostly easy as we have welcomed it. As for me…I learned long ago that I am not perfect and it is only through change that I will grow. I have many things in me that need to be built up and strengthened as well as things that need to diminish and be discarded. Married life is part of this process. My wife bring to the table things which I need and I things that she needs. It is through this combing, growing, and changing that we are finding married life to be so amazing. Like I said… it’s complex and will be an ever changing adventure. We are not delusional, we know there will be hard times, but for us this first year of marriage has been amazing. If it only gets easier from here, then all I have to say is…PRAISE GOD…and, BRING IT ON!

A New Year

2008 is gone and 2009 is here! In many ways the New Year is like the changing of the guard. It is a time for reflection upon the past and contemplation upon the future. The old has gone and the new has come. It is a time for change! It is time for New Years’ Resolutions! But before resolutions can be made and change can happen, reconciliation with the past must occur. One cannot help but go through the baggage of the last year and unpack the events which have shaped life’s current situation.

As I step into the New Year I am flooded with images of the past, images which are full of hope and joy. 2008 was a great year and I pray in 2009 God continues to pour out His blessing upon me and my family. The last year brought with it many life altering events which will forever change my life and the way I interact with the world.

In January of ‘08 I moved out of the dorms and forsook the life of a bachelor as I entered into the new and exciting world of marriage. Married life has far exceeded any of my expectations. It has been one of the best and easiest years of my life. In June, I turned 30 and made the final leap into adulthood, realizing that I have lived at least 1/3 of my life here on this earth (a scary thought…me being an adult). In September I began the final year of my masters program and started teaching at San Quentin Prison, an event which I am still trying to understand and process though.

The holidays also brought with them many first. I went to the “in-laws” for Thanksgiving in Georgia, ate at the GREAT Waffle House for the first time, and explored many of the complexities of the Southern life as I took an extensive tour of Georgia, South Carolina, and North Carolina (road trip) with my wife and two broth-in-laws. For Christmas, I was able to bring my WIFE home with me to my parent’s house and share with her in her first white Christmas and temperatures which stayed in the low teens. And to bring in the New Year we were able to share time with some of our most beloved friends.

At the beginning of 2009 I can’t help but look back at the year that has just passed and wonder what the next one will be like. How am I going to take the successes and failures from the last year and move on to greater things in the future? How is this year going to be different? These are all questions which I hope to gain from look at the past year.

In the spirit of learning from the past and moving into the future I want to revisit something I talked about back in July: my blogging. I have failed miserably! In July I said that I was going to be blogging twice a week…well, if any of you are keeping count, I have written five posts since then. Like I said, I have failed! My failure is made even worse, as I have just told you that I have had one of the best years of my life. I’m sorry I’ve not written about it. This is my attempt at reconciling with all of you for not keeping my blog updated, and with myself for not doing my best. I guess you can call this a pseudo New Years Resolution. I say this because I am not sure how I feel about New Years’ Resolutions at the moment. That may be the next blog you see, but for now I want to let you know that it is my intention to do much better this year. I want to blog at least once a week.

Listen to the Storm

Late night, loud music, lots of people, and dancing have never been things many people would associate with ME. Rightly so to! I have never been one to last long into the late hours of the night or the wee hours of the morning. Large amounts of people seem to just suck the energy right out of me. And dancing… where do I even start? I am a dumb white boy form the mountains with no rhythm, soul, or moves! I still have a hard time clapping and singing at the same time. There were those times in college where I tried to get with the groove but I have long since given up on trying to be that kind of “cool”. But when Gaelic Storm comes around it’s a whole other story!

Even with my rhythmically challenged appendages, my ten o’clock bed time, and my ability to avoid a crowd, Martha and I went to a Gaelic Storm concert last week at the Fillmore in San Francisco. It was by far the best concert I have ever been to. I’ve seen headliners such as Alabama, Bare Naked Ladies, Alanis Morissette, and even DC Talk, but all of them pale in comparison to this internationally renowned Irish band. If you have no idea about whom I’m taking then you need to check them out. For you movie buffs, they were the Irish band in Titanic! http://gaelicstorm.musiccitynetworks.com/index.htm

Well, with all that said, we had an amazing night out. We stopped off at Harry’s Bar for a great dinner and then off to the show where we stood and danced to songs such as Darcy’s Donkey, Don’t Let the Truth Get in the Way of a Good Story, Kelly’s Wellies, Don’t Go For “The One”, and Kiss Me I’m Irish for hours! If you ever get the chance to see them in concert you wont regret it. If that seems like a long way off… then try one of their cd’s… mine never leaves the car!

The University of San Quentin: Welcome to Class

Henry Miller once wrote, “The prisoner is not the one who has committed a crime, but the one who clings to his crime and lives it over and over.” For it is not the menacing stone walls and towers, nor the iron bars which holds a man prisoner. It is the nature of mans own mind and heart which torments his soul the most.

As many of you have noticed, it has been quite a while since I last posted to my blog. This is not for a lack of subjects, for I have had many idea floating around in my head which I would like to share with you, however, none seemed as pressing as to find the right words to share my experience at San Quentin. I have been there six weeks now and have only recently been able to process through enough to be able to share with you.

The expectation of what life one might find behind the walls of San Quentin scarcely matches the reality of what is found there. As I made my first clearance through the gate and started the three hundred yard walk to the main prison I found myself immensely humbled and partly terrified of what I had committed myself to. My path led me beneath the shadow of the west tower, under watchful eyes, and through the main gate which appeared as a dark hole in the side of the prison wall. There I was searched by an intense guard, let into a holding cage, checked over once again, and then led through into a courtyard which sat in the middle between Death Row and the Protestant Chapel. Vulnerable is the only word I can use to describe what I was feeling as I stood for the first time within the walls of San Quentin. It is not a feeling I will soon forget.

As I entered the Chapel I immediately became aware I was now the minority, the outsider, the one who did not belong or know the rules. Everything in the world of San Quentin was new to me and I was noticeably ignorant as I followed closely behind my guide who was to introduce me to the class. I stood there looking over the class which would soon be mine to teach and found myself feeling as if I were the new kid in school who had just been drug before the class by the teacher, only these were not a bunch of first graders, they were convicted felons. All eyes were upon me and I could feel their prying questions. “Who was this guy?” “Why was he here?” “What makes him qualified to teach us?”

The introduction came to an end and the room was opened up for questions before I was given the floor. One of the men raised his hand and asked, “He’s never been here before has he?” “No this is his first time,” answered my escort. The room erupted in laughter. “Why do you ask?” The mans face lit up with a great big smile, “his eyes are the size of tennis balls, it’s sixty degrees in here and he sweating, and he is standing as stiff as a board. You would think he’s nervous or something.” Again the room burst into laughter but this time there were shouts of encouragement. “Don’t worry man we aren’t goin’ to hurt you.” “Relax, we’re all brothers in God’s house.” I myself had to laugh as I must have been quite the sight.

Wedding Photos

In every man’s life there seems to be several major events which shape or change the course of that life. In my life, one of those monumental event, maybe the biggest of all, was my wedding in January. For months now I have been promising you that pictures were on the way and I do not want to disappoint. I have been the little Dutch boy with his finger in the dike holding back the flood waters. Well, the pictures are here so I guess its time to let the water flow...


Here are a few engagement photos taken by our amazing photographer!


Heres my AMAZING wife!!!



And ME!!!


The secrets events of getting ready: a look behind the curtain.


The amazing images of our commitment to one another !


The day is here! Wedding bells are ringing and there is not a rain cloud in the sky!

The girls in all their glory!


The boys looking quite dapper.


Let us all come together.


The Family of the Groom .


The Family of the Bride.


We're Married!